Far-seeing apparatus

Far-seeing apparatus* is the literal translation of the word Germans use for TV. It is an almost reverential term – and that is apt as that is how I am feeling about TV today.

Let me explain…

I have now been in Germany four months. And in that time I have not had access to UK TV. This is because we have had such a long list of things to do in order to move in that TV had to be downgraded to a luxury, not an essential. (If you imagine starting your whole life again, that is what we have been doing: unpacking, working out how to do our groceries, finding healthcare practitioners, making up flat pack furniture, buying a car, getting insurance for cars, household and people, making new friends, etc, etc…)

In the four months without TV these are the effects I have felt:

• I have been more likely to go out in the evenings and do stuff.
• I have not properly switched off my brain so have been a bit ‘tense’ (Sorry husband dearest.)
• As a couple, my husband and I have not relaxed together – we have got into the habit of one person roaming hither and thither on the internet and the other person reading a book – usually in different rooms.
• My knowledge of British cultural affairs has come solely from the internet and a weekly expat newspaper subscription – as well as my Dad, who has at times chosen to make up stories to see if his gullible daughter would fall for them. Which she did.
• I have mostly missed being able to watch the BBC Breakfast news while eating my cornflakes and putting on my make up. It would have amazed my younger self if you had told her that she would miss news broadcasts.
• Well documented amongst my friends, I have also missed Eastenders terribly. Some of them would also question my sanity at this point.

It has been an interesting experiment, but luckily now all that is behind me. For recently we spent a Saturday buying the satellite dish and all the kit (no mean feat in a German shop). Yesterday we had a couple of satellite installers round to do the scary / scientific bit where they have to climb on the roof of our four storey block and angle the dish correctly. After two hours of fiddling they managed to get it all to work and now we have access to most of the Freeview channels. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the afternoon indulging in the kind of afternoon telly that I wouldn’t normally even watch at home. Flog it, Countdown, Jeremy Kyle... Oh yes, I lapped it all up. Then later I hurried back from my yoga class to indulge in a lovely half hour of the ‘Enders. With my far-seeing apparatus I can see all the way back to Blighty...and even to the Queen Vic in Walford. Bliss.

*Fernsehapparat